If you want to find love, embrace your pain.
Updated: May 9, 2020
One of the biggest struggles I have is sharing my voice. I think, to some degree, everyone struggles with this.
I don't think it matters what we create, whether it's writing, videos, art or clay sculptures. There's something inherently vulnerable about the creative process.
I write to share parts of my heart with the world.
In doing so I choose to be open to feeling pain at the deepest levels, but I also open myself up to receiving the greatest feeling of love and joy I've known.
In my experience, the more courage we can summon to embrace our pain compassionately, to be open and vulnerable in the face of our fears, the more overwhelming love and joy we receive in our lives.
My experience of this has two sides to it. There is a darker side where my old feelings of shame, of not being good enough are triggered when I contemplate sharing these pieces of my heart.
There's an old voice inside my head that is insistent repeating what can seem like ridiculous things;
"What do you think you're doing!?"
"You're not actually a good writer, you know that right?"
"What's the point, no one's going to listen to it anyway"
"Hey! You're supposed to be doing something productive right now!"
On the other side, there is a much softer, gentler voice. It says things like;
"There are people just like you who need to hear you"
"Sharing part of your heart is the MOST productive thing you can do"
"You inspire people. You're meant to share you're heart and soul with the world"
I call the former voice the voice of the dark side. This is the voice of fear and resentment and it's intent on keeping us stuck where we are, bogged down in the molasses of life.
The light side is the voice of love, joy and peace.
I believe that without experiencing fear, hate, anger, pain and sadness we cannot really know what it means to experience love, joy and peace.
Without one it's impossible to know the other. Like Ying and Yang.
The dark side is smart! When we try to push it away it only grows stronger.
So we have to be smarter than it.
After all. The dark side is actually our friend. Without it we can't experience the exhilarating warmth of love, the delightful freedom of joy or the calm serenity of peace.
The trick is to acknowledge the dark side. To own it.
How do we do that?
By owning our shit. By embracing our pain.
The dark side only has power over us when we think we have something to hide.This is why it screams so fucking loud when we think about sharing pieces of our heart.
It doesn't want us to share because when we open ourselves up, when we're vulnerable the dark side loses its power. And guess what steps in?
Love, peace and joy.
In principle, this all seems easy.
In practice, it takes great courage and commitment to own your shit, embrace your pain and step into love.
We're all on this journey together and one thing that makes it a hell of a lot easier and more fun is support. There's nothing like having someone in your corner rooting for you, cheering you on and calling you on your shit.
If you don't have a support network of people that do this for you in your life today find them. And not just anyone. Find someone you connect with, who is not attached to the outcome of what happens in your life, who believes in you and who is unafraid to challenge your beliefs.
So, embrace your pain, lean into your fears and open into love.
I guarantee it will change your li
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